‘WEAK MEN GO FOR HOOKERS’
4 April 2017
. . . Sanyangore on gender equality, sex
HOW does the church and Christianity as a whole, view women? Are men and women equal in biblical terms and what is the woman’s role in the home?
H-Metro’s BLESSING MASAKADZA (BM) spoke to outspoken, and at times controversial pastor, PAUL SANYANGORE (PS), about these and other issues like marriage set up and why there are so many divorces. His answers were, as usual, unique. Read on . . .
BM: Pastor what is the position of the bible and gender? Others believe women were portrayed as inferior to men.
PS: For starters, there is nowhere it is mentioned in the Bible that women are second class citizens or are inferior to men. From my understanding, women are portrayed as special beings. To show that, God recognized a woman and likened her to the church. This alone shows that women are an important aspect in everything, very special. If they were inferior, God would not have likened them to his wife. The fact that God sent his son to die for us, our sins, the church, taught us what marriage should be, that men should sacrifice for their wives.
BM: It is argued that when Jesus fed the 5 000, it was only men who were counted? What is your understanding to that in regard to claims that women are inferior to men?
PS: There are good things which are not godly and usually good to suit a certain doctrine. The claim that women were not recognized then is more of a doctrine not that women were inferior. These are just doctrines just like today, there are church doctrines which cannot be supported by the bible.
If women were not important, why would God call Deborah to lead his people? She was the first prophetess. Kana mukadzi asina basa it means we are all nothing because we are all products of her. To show that they are special, she receives a male seed, carries it for nine months and after that she gives you a human. You men what would your seed do alone?
BM: There are scriptures that women should submit to their husbands, what is your understanding of those verses?
PS: People do selective quoting of the bible to suit a certain agenda, saying Sarah called Abraham master and think that she was some sought of a captive where she was nothing. They forget that Abraham did a lot for Sarah to call her master. He loved her unconditionally. Love your wife unconditionally and you will hear her calling you ‘shewe’.
BM: And verses that women should submit to their husbands, does it mean they are powerless and surrender to their husbands?
PS: There is nothing wrong with submission, it is an antidote for marriage to last. But submission does not just come. It is worked for. The Bible is clear, husbands love your wives and wives submit to your husbands, in that order. Love starts then submission.
If you love your wife the way she deserves, you don’t have to force her into submission, it will be automatic. Where there is force, there is resistance. If you force her into submission she will rebel and the marriage will be on the rocks. The issue of submission is two way and should not be confused. Submission is a product of love. If you see her demanding equal rights in the home then you have misfired somewhere somehow. It is love in the husband that brings out the submission in the wife. Sarah was loved by Abraham and she called him master to the extent of letting him sleep with a maid because she could not give him children.
BM: So what do you think is the problem these days? What has contributed to domestic and sexual violence?
PS: Men these days do not know the definition of love, they think it is sex only that has led to issues of marital rape. You can’t force someone into sex. Sex is more emotional than physical. Appeal to her emotionally and the rest follows but men just rush into the physical and end up fighting with the woman. What have you done to appeal to her emotionally?
Men these days just love the physical side of sex that they end up going to the ladies in the streets where they will buy the sex. You don’t have to work on the emotions, it’s just a transaction. Just trying to be physical with your wife without working on the emotional side ends up being rape.
BM: What is your view regarding claims that women rebellion has led men into prostitution?
PS: Those men who go to the avenues are weak and are the reason for the proliferation of prostitution. Don’t blame those women in the streets, they know the weak men will come after them. Going after those ladies of the night is a sign of weakness. You don’t want to work on selling your propaganda to woman, to win her heart and emotions. If men work on that side and stop going to the streets, those women will not be there.
BM: Going back to issues of gender, can a woman lead a ministry? Can your wife lead a service in your absence? We have verses in the bible that women should not stand before men?
PS: That again is selective quoting of the scriptures. If Deborah could lead a nation what more a ministry? We have several women in the bible who had influence.
For my wife to preach in church, it all starts with the respect you give your wife before the church. If you show her respect in front of the people, the people in return will respect her. Asi ukati mukadzi anongogarawo muchaunga imomo, ndiani angamuremekedza? If you respect her, she will ride on that respect and lead a service in my absence. We have several women who lead ministries in the country, preaching and delivering people.
BM: Besides Deborah, any women heroines in the bible?
PS: We have the likes of Esther, Miriam and many others in the bible. To show that they had power, look at Miriam’s confrontation with Moses. That alone shows that she had a say in what was happening during those days, her opinion was of importance.
BM: What is the bible’s definitionition of a wife?
PS: The bible says I will make him a helper. A wife is an aide. A house without a wife is empty and disorganised. A wife completes a man meaning we need them to help us in most of everything.
Men naturally are sick patients and they need control and guidance in form of a helper. A helper is an aide and an aide is a nurse. When you see your wife calling you asking where you are, she is doing her job as a nurse, to check on her patient. The nurse knows her patient must have medication by 6pm and likewise the wife knows that her husband should have dinner at 6pm and she will call you when that time approaches and you are not there.
BM: What is the biblical set-up of the home in relation to marital problems we are facing these days?
PS: The man is the head of the family and the wife is the body. If you see a confused family it is because of the head. Don’t blame the body, the head is the problem. When a child fails at school, you can’t blame the hand for not writing but the head which contains the brains which should have given the hand what to write. Somehow the husband will be to blame for his wife’s actions.
BM: These days we are having huge numbers of divorce cases, what is your view concerning marriage? What do you think is contributing much to divorces, we have witnessed marriages that lasted for 90 days or less?
PS: The problem starts with the terminology, falling in love. Everything that falls breaks. So if you fall in love you will destruct at some point.
Our boys and girls should be in love with each other not fall for each other. Love is for the heart and should not be let to get into one’s head. You should be able to love someone and at the same time using your brains. If love gets to your head, you will not think straight and you will ignore the red flags that will ruin the marriage. You will see a boyfriend beating his girlfriend before marriage and because love is in her brains, she will ignore that. A month down the line in marriage, he beats you again and you begin to realise that you made a mistake by marrying a guy who assaulted you before marriage. Boys can also ignore the red flags and marry a girl who will trouble them in marriage.
BM: And marriage?
PS: Marriage is not for boys and girls but for men and women. The problem we are facing now is that we are having boys and girls in marriage and they are not mature.
Marriage is a process and someone has to adjust. A man adjusts from boyhood to manhood the same as the woman from being a girl. You leave certain aspects of being boyfriend and girlfriend to husband and wife. Zvinhu zvatochinja, kana musikana aipiwa $10 achitenga Chicken Inn now she has to make sure she buys meat for supper. Haungati wasiirwa mari wosara uchitenga ice cream murume odzoka achiwana pasina chabikwa. This means you are still a girl and not a wife and you have to adjust.
BM: Housewives versus working wives?
PS: When I say you leave certain aspects, it does not mean you will no longer bath three times a day as you used to do as a girl, unosara. This goes to all women, the full time house wife and the working class. Bathing is elementary. A man notices you and your body before your heart. Aikuona wakachena then now you are in the house together, you no longer bath, anokutizazve. Keep showing him what he used to see in you before. Why change that?
BM: Your view on women in marriage?
PS: These days we have problems with women who behave as girls in marriage. They are being bashed by their husbands for being bad cooks but she is wearing a US$100 hairstyle. It means they are investing more on the head than in the head. Just take a dollar and buy a book with cooking recipes and see what happens. Invest in the head and you will become a woman, a wife.
BM: What about women in influential positions and marriage? We have noticed that some influential women are not in marriage?
PS: The working class or women in certain positions is another problematic area. They take their offices at work home. You are a manager at work or the CEO but be a wife at home. What you were doing there should remain there. Wanga uchimhanyisa varume kubasa and that should not apply at home. Do your wifely duties, cook for him, wash his clothes, care for him and you will not have any problems. Rebecca was on a donkey and when she saw Jacob, she got off the donkey and knelt before him. That was a sign of respect. Respect your husband despite your social standing. If you don’t humble yourself the men will react in protection of his manhood and the result will be a fight.
BM: What is your comment on issues that it is in men to cheat that some can go to the extent of sleeping with the maid?
PS: That is a very important aspect. Do not let the maid take care of your husband. The maid is yours my sister. When the man wanted a helper, he married you, so when he wants food it should come from you, when he wants his favourite shirt it should be from you not the maid. The maid is your helper not your husband’s helper. If you let her be your husband’s helper, you are applying for trouble. The next thing he will be in bed with her. What difference does it make, she washes his underpants, cooks for him and irons for him while you are just seated, she will be like a wife to him. Stand guided there.
BM: We have men who say a woman’s behaviour is the one that drives a man away?
PS: Women lack the Delilah strategy at times. You want something from your husband know the right time to ask for it. You must have the correct approach. Delilah as much as she was lambasted she gave women the best way of dealing with men but they ignore it. She appealed to Samson to the extent that he revealed his source of power. Mumba make muchinhuwirira, makagadzirwa, iye akachena, everything perfect but yours is a different case. Mumba kuita kunge chizumbu chehuku.
Marshall Munhumumwe was correct when he said varume ipwere vanorezvwa sepwere. That is the same thing that was done to Samson and women should do the same.
BM: What is your comment on claims by some women that men do not listen to them?
PS: Like I said, women lack the right approach. They give their husbands ‘sound advice’; 99% is sound and 1% advice. In most cases the men will respond to the sound instead of the advice. Find the right approach, a soft spoken voice, and whisper in his ear and see the results. If you put more sound, it will result in clashes. Naturally a man does not want anything that threatens his position as the father.